


Moving On and Letting Go

by marissalyn14



Series: The After Hours Trilogy [2]
Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F, F/M, apologies in advance, this second installment is gonna be a lot of angst, vauseman - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-03 20:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4114630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marissalyn14/pseuds/marissalyn14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For those of you still with me, I am incredibly grateful and I apologize immensely for the longevity in which you had to wait for this story to be updated. Since this was last updated I have started writing for another fandom, and with that, my writing has changed quite a bit. Also, since then I haven't been keeping up with this story, so my views on the plot have become a bit blurry. Hopefully I can continue this until it is finished like I had originally planned, and hopefully you guys aren't too angry about this. Life happens, and all that jazz. I'll spare you the long tale of how I've lost motivation in this story because I've lost faith in this ship. I know, I know, I never thought I'd see the day I would say this, but season three was a complete disappointment. All of that aside, I hope you guys are still with me, and I apologize for the shortness that is this chapter!</p>
        </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

"Things were all good yesterday

But then the devil took your breath away

And now we're left here in the pain

Black suit, black tie, standing in the rain

And now my family is one again

Stapled together with the strangers and a friend."

-'Afire Love' by Ed Sheeran

XXX

Alex burst into the emergency room. Blind, she ran over to the receptionist's desk, quickly yelling, "Diane Vause, I'm her daughter, where is she?!"

Piper trailed behind her, not knowing what to do. She had tried to calm Alex down the entire ride back from Maine, none of it had worked. Nothing the blonde could say would stop the brunette from beating herself up.

Alex's brain was running a mile a minute. She was cursing herself for letting her phone die, for not charging it until the next day. For getting married and for going on her honeymoon, it could've waited; it could've been put off. She shouldn't have left her mother when she needed her the most. She should have never put herself first, she should have never been as happy as she was now. But the thing was she wasn't happy. Not now, and probably not for a very long time, if ever again.

XXX

Piper couldn't see Diane like this, couldn't see Alex like this. So she stayed behind, outside of the small hospital room that was dark and looming. In that moment, Piper Chapman was a coward because Alex Vause was brave, and that's the difference between them. Married or not, this was something that neither one of them expected would come between them.

Nicky sat in the hallway in between Piper and Lorna. The small brunette had been there when Piper and Alex showed up, but Alex hadn't see her, hadn't see anyone, and Piper didn't care to ask.

They were all quiet, the only sound that could be heard was Alex's muffled sobs from inside the room as the doctor came and broke the news to her. Diane had a little less than 24 hours since when she had been brought in, and she wasn't going to wake up beforehand.

Nicky kept side-eyeing Piper, no doubt giving her condescending looks for not being in there with her wife.

Alex had only cried since going into the hospital room, it shocked Piper, never had the blonde seen someone so broken before, and it scared her to know that this was Alex while her mother was still breathing.

Lorna had been holding Nicky's hand through the majority of the night, the red head didn't really think much of it, the smaller woman never dealt well with hard topics such as death. Nicky had heard Lorna talking to Christopher earlier on the phone; she kept having to explain the situation to him as to why she wasn't home yet, and wouldn't be for a while. On top of that, she had been wiping away tears as she apologized over and over again to him, Nicky was fucking furious. The read head seemed to be the only one that was properly in touch with her emotions.

XXX

Alex sat beside her mother, holding the frail woman's hand tightly. She couldn't believe this was it, this was the end of the road for the strongest, most passionate and hardworking person she knew.

XXX

"You know, it's still early enough for you to file for an annulment." Nicky said casually as the three of them sat in the hard plastic chairs that lined the hallway.

"Fuck you." Piper mumbled. Her eyes were glassy as she stared at a crack in the linoleum; it was a surprise that she had heard the shorter woman at all.

Nicky shrugged, "Well you can't run for Wife-y of the Year with your ass sitting out here."

Piper turned to face her, "You're supposed to be my friend!"

The red head nodded, "Yeah, until you turn into a horse's ass and I jump ship."

"What does that even mean?" The blonde asked, exasperated.

"That the S.S. Piper is a terrible place to live; there are holes in your sails princess."

Piper grinded her teeth, saying nothing. She knew that she was in the wrong, but she was also comforted by her own selfishness.

"Vause gets me in the divorce." Nicky muttered, a finality in her tone.

Piper stood abruptly, "It's Vauseman, and stop assuming that we're going to break up!"

Nicky shook her head, clearly saddened by her friend's words. "That's just the thing; you're in too deep now Piper, it wouldn't simply be breaking up. You forget how well I know you, far more than Polly ever has!" Nicky stood to match Piper's stance. "You run. You have ran from everything that has ever been good for you or had the opportunity to, all because you are afraid of commitment, you are terrified of letting someone else take the wheel of your fucking ship, and you know what? You are a dumb fucker because of it! You can't live a life like that, so you need to buck up before you fuck up, or you're going to lose Alex, and I won't be there to help you pick yourself back up."

Nicky stood; pulling a shell shocked Lorna behind her. She leaned into Diane's room, and told Alex that she would be back once she had dropped Morello off at home.

Piper spun on her heel and kicked the leg of a chair, making a loud bang as she sent the chair back into the wall. She quickly looked around; there was no one in the hallway with her, the lone late shift nurse was currently in one of the rooms, making her rounds.

It was 2am on what was supposed to be day 4 of their honeymoon, and they were sitting in a hospital awaiting death.

XXX

Alex didn't sleep for a solid 48 hours. Diane had passed away just after 4am that morning, so much for 24 hours. In Alex's experiences, doctors were a joke.

For the past two days she has been staring at the wall in her apartment. Piper didn't even try to console her, it was pointless.

That night, Piper had inched her way into the room around 3am, but kept her distance, leaning against the wall beside the door, ready to run if she needed to, which is what she did around 3:30am, when she went to get coffee. Alex had barely heard her, and didn't respond when the blonde had asked if she wanted anything. Piper had yet to return, and it was two hours after the fact. Diane was already gone.

Alex hadn't noticed any of this, the only reason she knew that Piper wasn't in the room was because of Nicky's constant strew of profanities, cursing the blonde and her future bloodline.

XXX

Lorna had found Piper asleep in the cafeteria, a cup of coffee sat in front of her, completely full, with steam no longer rising from it, it was lukewarm at best.

To the small brunette, the table the blonde was sat at didn't hold much significance, but Piper had. It was where she and Alex had truly started their lives with that god forsaken key; it was where they had first gotten the news of Diane's impending fate.

The reason they were back in New York, was because Alex's aunt Kathleen had brought Diane down to her house to make final decisions on what was going to who, Alex was getting everything, with the exception of an old pair of leg warmers that Kathleen was getting as an old joke.

Diane had started to feel an excruciating pain in her lower abdomen. Kathleen had taken her straight to the hospital where Diane was taken in for an immediate CAT scan. The results had come back positive; the cancer had spread out through the entirety of the older woman's body. It was something the doctors knew that they were going to be faced with eventually without the use of chemo. Diane wasn't surprised and Kathleen had been practically inconsolable.

Kathleen had tried to call Alex and Piper, but both their phones had been shut off, so Diane had told her to call Nicky.

Soon after Diane's 24 hours turned into 12 as she lay in a coma, never to wake again.

XXX

Piper had kept to her side of the bed last night. She hadn't offered Alex her embrace, and the brunette hadn't asked for it.

Piper knew that what she was doing was the worst thing she could possibly do to her wife, but she didn't know what to do. This is what she knew best, what she was taught growing up, to act as if nothing happened, to act cold and composed. Alex was the complete opposite, she walked around like a zombie once more, reminding Piper of the time several months before where Alex had nearly drank her way into a rehab.

Piper had gotten up several hours before, now sitting at the kitchen's bar, sipping at her coffee and scrolling through her phone. She hadn't spoken to Polly yet since she had gotten back from Maine, she should probably meet her for lunch, she could bring Alex back a sandwich since she wasn't going into work for a while.

Piper dialed Polly's number, telling her briefly of what had happened, and that they should meet for lunch, Polly told her to bring Alex, and she would bring Pete, but it never happened. Instead Piper went alone, leaving Alex to make calls to arrange the funeral with a pile of used tissues by her side.

Piper knew that it was wrong of her to leave her wife in such a state, but she couldn't handle it, the sadness that hung over their apartment, she was suffocating.

XXX

"What the fuck Piper?! Diane dies and you just shut down? You can't do this fucked up shit anymore. You can't be a selfish bitch when Alex is home right now, alone and broken while you're out here drinking a fucking latte and acting like everything is fine." Polly said as soon as she saw that Piper was alone. She had known the blonde a long time; she knew Chapman bullshit when she saw it.

Piper shrugged, taking another sip of her coffee and looked to Pete who sat in the booth beside his pregnant girlfriend across from her, closest to the window. He wasn't looking at her.

Polly tried again to break through to her best friend. "I know you Piper, you're going to break eventually whether you let it happen or not, and when that happens you have to suck it up and be there for Alex like you should be right now."

Piper listened, but didn't respond to what Polly had said. Polly was right, she knew that, but she didn't want to admit it. Piper didn't like being wrong, so wrong in fact that she was currently destroying a week old marriage.

Polly finally simmered down some to actually eat her lunch, leaning back into the worn leather; she spoke once more in more of a blasé tone. "Nicky is fucking pissed at you."

"I know." Piper mumbled.

"You know that it's going to take a lot to get her un-pissed at you."

"I know."

Piper decided to leave early, getting her lunch wrapped up along with an order of fries and a BLT for Alex. It was time for her to buck up before she could fuck up any more than she already had.

XXX

Alex had just gotten off the phone with the funeral home. The funeral was set for the day after the next, and the pressure of it all could be felt right in the center of her chest. She had to call everyone, find a dress she could wear, find Piper, wherever the fuck she had gone.

Alex was starting to miss the blonde; she didn't necessarily blame the girl for her lack of comfort. Alex did notice that Piper had checked out soon after they had reached the hospital two days ago. Alex knew, and she didn't expect anything less from her, Piper had warned her once that she was a runner, that she didn't stick around when the going got tough. Alex figured that it meant something that the blonde still slept beside her at night, that she even came home at all.

Alex knew that she hadn't been anything but a silent, sobbing mess, but that was about to change. She was no longer going to let Piper take advantage of Alex's carelessness, because she cared now.

The front door shut then, sending Alex into a spiral of immediate turmoil, the world went on without her mother. Even if it was just Piper coming home from wherever she had been, it made Alex realize that Diane's life ending wasn't news worthy, it wasn't going to affect hundreds of thousands of people, that no one was going to feel the way she felt now. No matter how much Kathleen cried and Piper looked at her with worried, blank eyes, no one could even begin to understand the deep wrenching feeling in her gut, the lack of something, of not having your entire heart and having to learn to live with only half of it.

Piper slipped out of her heels and hanged her coat up on the hook beside the door. She figured that Alex was still in their bedroom, so she set the food down on the counter and made her way down the hallway to her wife.

Alex lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She had a pained look on her face and it made Piper take a quick, shallow intake of breath. The sharp pang in her chest that had decided to reside there for the past couple of days was all because of this woman's pain right in front of her. She stepped closer to the bed, making a point not to say anything. She knew that Alex had heard her come in, she knew that her wife saw her standing not even two feet away from her, yet she made no intention to acknowledge her presence.

"Al, I got us lunch." The blonde said timidly, she didn't know what kind of mood the brunette was in, her face was unreadable. She could either be ready to throw something or to burst into tears. Piper reached out to Alex, sitting down on the bed next to her feet and ran a soothing hand up and down the taller woman's calf.

Alex turned to look at Piper, fighting a frown, and even managed a ghost of a smile for her wife.

Piper looked back at her, looking into Alex's watery green/gray/blue eyes that never seemed to want to stay one color. She looked at her blotchy red face, her nose that was rubbed raw from the tissues, and fell in love all over again.

"Come on, you haven't eaten since yesterday." Piper said, grabbing Alex's hand and pulling her into a sitting position.

Alex searched the blonde's face for something, anything that would tell her why it took Piper two whole days to kick into wife-y mode. "Why are you doing this?" she whispered.

Piper's eyes widened, she hadn't heard that husky voice since the cabin. The voice was sad now, heavy, and much more rough than husky. Piper's knees still buckled either way. "Because I love you." She mumbled in reply.

Alex nodded slowly, of course Piper loved me, she thought.

"Come on, we can even eat in our underwear like old times." Piper said, a little bit louder than their current conversation had been. She asked Alex to raise her arms above her head and pulled her shirt off of her. Alex hadn't been wearing a bra.

Piper sucked in air through her teeth, making a hissing noise, before smiling warmly at her wife. "I'll be right back." She quickly plated the food and brought it back to the bedroom, setting the plates down before pulling her own clothes off, matching the brunette's attire by just wearing a pair of lacy panties.

They ate their food in silence, never quite speaking, and after they were finished, Piper made love to Alex. It was slow, and gentle, and afterwards they both cried.

They lay together, Piper's hand playing with dark curls.

"The funeral is the day after tomorrow." Alex whispered into the still air. She hadn't looked at Piper's face yet.

Piper stayed silent for a beat longer than would deem appropriate. What was she to say? I'm sorry? Alex knew that she was sorry, she knew that everyone was sorry, because no one knew what to tell someone when their parent died, it was never written down in a guidebook for them to know.

"I love you." Piper said instead, because it was the only thing she knew to be true, the only thing she knew that could get them through this.

"I know." Alex spoke, hurt clear in her voice. "I love you too."

XXX

"Diane Vause was a gift to us all? Are you fucking kidding me?" Kathleen grumbled beside Alex. The funeral home had offered to make little cards for the burial.

They were all dressed in black, Piper's hand clasped in Alex's tightly. Alex had yet to let go of it since they had gotten out of the car a half hour prior.

Nicky had showed up with Lorna, which wasn't that much of a surprise, Christopher had to work claimed Lorna.

Polly sat in a folding chair with Pete beside her, she was starting to look more and more like a whale these days.

Alex smiled at her aunt's antics. It was true, the cards were cheesy, and if her mother had been here to see them, she would have ripped every last one of them up into shreds.

Piper had looked over at Nicky during all of this in which the red head had given her a thumbs up when she saw that the newlyweds were holding hands, it was a start.

That was probably the saddest part about all of this, Alex and Piper had just gotten married the week before, and now they were at a funeral, talk about book ends. This was the very reason they had gotten married in the beginning of November, Diane's time wasn't up for another month, they had thought that they would have her for just a while longer. There were a few other people milling about the grave site, co-workers and employers that Diane had considered friends, even the old woman that lived next door came.

Diane was being buried in New York, where she had been born and raised, where Alex had been born and raised. Alex had yet to talk about it with Piper, but the brunette had wanted to move back to New York since she had dropped out of Smith. She knew it wouldn't be possible for at least another year, but still, being in her home town brought back just enough nostalgia to miss the state and not the town. Alex wanted to build a life there, with Piper.

Once Diane's coffin had been lowered into the ground, each of them had gotten the chance to throw a handful of dirt over it and say a few words.

"Diane, I know we've only met each other a few times, but I knew I was your favorite." Nicky had said, grabbing a handful of dirt off of the ground. "I did try and get ahold of that Butler guy for you, but it was no use, he's making a movie right now, his agent told me to fuck off too so there's always that, Hollywood drama and all." The red head ignored the burning she felt in her eyes, she didn't like to cry, especially in front of people, so she bit her lip and dumped the dirt into the grave. "See you on the other side pretty lady, and save me a beer so we can talk shit about Alex when I get there."

Next came Piper, she let go of Alex's hand reluctantly as she made her way slowly to the pile of dirt. She wobbled slightly in her heels, it had rained the night before, she could feel her feet sinking into the mud, making her wish that it was quick sand.

She picked up some dirt, holding it tightly in her hand and spoke, "Diane, you were the mother I sadly could not have. You treated me as your own, and let me have your daughter when you needed her most. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough for that, like right now, there are no words that could be strung together to formulate a sentence to describe you. I know that I will never forget you, because I see you every day in Alex." She sniffled slightly, her back still to the people that sat in chairs. Her hollow voice rung out through the empty cemetery, just more proof that over time, you're either forgotten, or people decide that you aren't worth remembering.

The blonde pressed on, "You told me once that you had never seen Alex look at anyone the way she looks at me, and it amazes me to think that I had gotten to have both of you for a little while. Anyone that had gotten to know you would've known how much of a spit fire you actually were, how much you cared, and how much you didn't." she chuckled at that last part, before clearing her throat, tears beginning to streak down her face. "So thank you Diane, for making all of our lives just a little bit brighter, and for giving me the best gift anyone could ever give me, my wife and your daughter. I'll get her through this, I promise." Then she let the dirt fall through her fingertips, feeling as though she was letting go of a part of herself, only a fragment of what Alex was losing.

Piper turned back to her chair, sitting down as Kathleen stood.

Alex took Piper's hand again in her own as she listened to her aunt make her speech.

"Diane, you were the best sister anyone could have ever asked for, I know that sounds cheesy, and you would probably smack the hell out of me for even saying it, but it's true. I know we didn't always get along, and Alex and I never really clicked, but you guys are my family, and as a Vause, I know that."

Piper looked over to Alex, seeing the tears that were beginning to streak down the brunette's face; Piper wiped them away, before Alex had to stand herself.

Alex passed Kathleen on her way up, quickly grabbing at the dirt, clenching it into her fist. "Hi mom." She whispered. Her bottom lip quivered as she stood there. This was it. Diane wouldn't be able to see Alex succeed in life, wouldn't be able to meet her grandchildren. It was the whole reason Alex and Piper got married, so it could be the one thing Diane did get to see.

"I don't know what to say." Alex continued, her hands were shaking and she could barely see through the tears. "I guess I should start with how you raised me." she swallowed. "I used to get picked on by other girls for how I dressed, and you said 'fuck em' because they didn't matter, you were right, I know that now. You did everything possible to get me those clothes, and I should've worn them more proudly. You worked day and night, hours upon hours, just to keep a roof over our heads, and heat to keep us warm, to keep me warm, because I know you wouldn't have worked nearly as hard if you weren't a parent, and I will never be able to find it in myself to ever really know how to thank you for that."

Everyone else was quiet, silent, except for the random sniffle here and there.

"The one thing I can do is promise you that what I have, what I one day will have, I will always fight for it, for Piper, for our future kids. I won't give up on them like dad did. You taught me how to fight, and you taught me how to love, and to this day I have yet to learn of something better." Alex continued.

She knelt down now, not caring whether or not she pulled a hole in her stockings. "Thank you mom, for everything, this isn't good bye, this is a good night, because you are always with me. I love you mom, I'll make you proud."


	2. When The Going Gets Tough

"Sometimes I wake up in the mornin'

Sometimes I dream some more

I keep my wounds without a bandage, baby

As I come stumblin' through the door

Spend my nights in dislocation

Talkin' to spirits on the floor

I think I came to find a feelin', baby

Between what was mine and what was yours"

-'Get Hurt' by Gaslight Anthem

XXX

Alex woke up with a throbbing pain beating around her skull. She could feel the weight of Piper still lying beside her; she was going to be late for class. The blonde needed to go to school, no matter how much she offered to stay with Alex.

Alex rolled onto her side, coming face to face with Piper, who was drooling slightly. Alex smiled, it had been three days since she had buried her mother and it still hurt, it still felt like it wasn't real, it still made Alex want to feel numb.

"Babe, wake up." Alex whispered, running a finger down the side of Piper's face, tracing the contours of her cheekbones.

Piper's eyes fluttered open, smiling when she saw the brunette. "Hey." She whispered back.

Alex smiled meekly, pushing a stray blonde hair behind Piper's ear. "You know you have class in half an hour."

Piper jolted up into a sitting position and looked over at the alarm clock that sat on her nightstand. "Fuck."

Alex continued to watch her as she clambered off of the bed and practically hauled ass into the bathroom. "You drooled a little in your sleep too!" she called out to her receding back.

This was the hardest part for Alex, as she flopped back onto the sheets and stared at the blank white ceiling that held nothing for her. For the past three days, the brunette felt the need to have to act more normal around the blonde than she had cared to. She was afraid that if she continued to act hurt about Diane's death, Piper would run, and this time she wouldn't come back.

It was stupid for Alex to think that Piper would leave her so easily, but all it took last time was being at the hospital to make the shorter woman clam up.

Piper hurried back into the room, a towel wrapped around her chest, hair clipped up with a butterfly clip to stay dry, she didn't have time to wash it. She began riffling through her closet, "Al, have you seen my sweater with the raglan sleeves?"

"What kind of sleeves?" Alex asked, confused.

Piper rolled her eyes, smiling to herself, "The baseball sleeves, where they're a different color than the rest of the shirt."

"Oh, it should be in there, check behind some of my stuff, it probably just got mixed up." Alex said, rolling her head to the side so she could watch Piper get ready for school.

Piper found the top and pulled it off of its hook, setting it down on the foot of the bed, she made her way over to the dresser and pulled out a bra and underwear, socks, and a pair of dark wash jeans. Letting the towel drop she quickly pulled on her clothes, making a point not to make eye contact with her wife, unless she really wanted to be late.

"I'll see you later tonight; I'll get dinner from that shop on the corner." Piper said, leaning over and kissing Alex goodbye.

Alex latched onto the blonde's arm before she could move away and pulled her back to kiss her once more. "Okay."

Piper left the room then, before realizing she had forgotten something. She leaned back into the doorway of their bedroom, "Hey Al?"

Alex leaned up on her elbows to look at her wife, "Yeah?"

"I love you."

Alex forced a smile onto her face, "I love you too."

XXX

Three hours later and Alex was still in bed. She didn't have work, and everyone she knew was either in class or working themselves. Her thoughts had traveled towards the farthest, darkest corner in the back of her mind, reminding her of all of the terrible things that had happened to her, things that she herself had done, and things that had happened to the people around her. She hated that she was slowly becoming this helpless person that couldn't bring herself to tell her wife how she was really feeling.

She needed to tell Piper, if she didn't she would have to go through all of these feelings by herself, which wasn't a terrible thing, it was something Alex had always found herself doing when her mom had been working late and couldn't be there for Alex to talk her ear off. It was normal for her to bottle up her feelings and to send them out to sea where they would later return back all at once during high tide, but it was the more selfish choice, it meant that she was choosing to keep all of her pain to herself instead of shift some of the weight over and onto Piper's offered shoulders.

She couldn't stop picturing her mother in that hospital bed, asleep in that coma; she might as well have been dead. Her life had held no purpose at that point on. Alex sat next to her for hours upon hours, never getting to say goodbye to her properly. Not once able to see her mother's eyes open one more time, to hear her uproarious laughter one last time. Her mother's face had been sullen, her lips a cold straight line, the creases in the corners of her eyes and lips protruding through the skin, and her fingers no longer nimble, but a representation of what they would look like once she was in the ground for a hundred years.

Alex didn't like to think of these things, but it was her last true memory of her mother where Diane was actually present. It made her hate herself because she wasn't there in her last hours before the coma, instead she had been with Piper in the middle of Maine in a goddamn cabin, never again would she ever step foot into one.

She rolled over to face the window. Piper had quickly pulled the curtain back to bring light into the room before she had left. Alex leaned over and shut them.

Her fingers were itching to do something, anything. She left the bedroom and went in search of something to dull the pain, the emptiness inside, to calm her nerves. She found a lone beer bottle left over from about a week ago in the side door of the fridge. It was only 10am on a Monday, but Alex drank nonetheless.

XXX

"Hey Baby, I got Tai." Piper called out as she entered the apartment. She hung her coat up and slipped out of her boots, before carrying the bag with their dinner into the kitchen. She passed Alex on the way there; she was asleep on the living room couch.

Piper smiled lightly, not sure whether it was a good thing or not that her wife was napping all of the time, when she noticed the beer sitting on the coffee table, empty.

The blonde quickly picked the bottle up and recycled it, before carrying on with unboxing their dinner. She wasn't going to bring it up, it was one drink, and certainly in the situation that Alex was in, she deserved it, but it did make her worry. What if Alex fell back into her old ways? What if she wasn't able to pull the brunette out of it this time? All of these what-ifs swam around in her head as the blonde set the table. She needed to remind herself though that she didn't need to say anything just yet, that she needed to give Alex a little space.

Alex padded into the kitchen rubbing the side of her head.

"Hey babe." Piper greeted, moving over and kissing Alex on the cheek before going back to plating the food.

Alex grabbed a water bottle from the fridge before sitting down at the table, "How were classes?"

Piper sat down across from her, twirling her noodles around her fork. "They were good, Nicky decided to spit spitballs into my hair during trig."

"Nicky takes trig?"

Piper nodded, "She's actually pretty good at it."

Alex pushed her food around on her plate.

"Everything okay?" Piper asked.

Alex nodded.

"Okay, so how was your day?"

Alex shrugged.

Piper stared down at her plate, not knowing what to say. She wanted Alex to be able to talk to her, to tell her how she was feeling so they could go through this together. Diane's death was hard on all of them, but Alex was the one that was accepting her mother's death as her own fault somehow, like that maybe if she hadn't gone on their honeymoon, maybe if they had postponed their wedding, Diane would be alive right now.

What Piper feared the most, was that there was no explaining this to Alex, there was no way to tell her that they couldn't have done anything to preserve her life for another month, and that Diane wouldn't have wanted Alex to dwell on it. To be completely honest the older Vause had probably felt much better letting go when her daughter wasn't there to see her give up on the battle that she had been fighting for over six months.

"Nothing to report on?" Piper asked, trying to push Alex into talking, even if it was just a little bit.

Alex shook her head, "My aunt called around lunch time, asked if I was okay."

"Well that's good."

Alex once again shrugged, indifferent to the entire conversation.

XXX

Piper lay awake long after Alex had fallen asleep. They had sex, again. Not that it was a problem, but it was unhealthy. Alex wouldn't share how she was feeling, Piper would start asking questions, and Alex would then shut her up with sex, rolling over and falling asleep immediately afterwards.

She wouldn't even let Piper touch her.

Piper didn't like how closed off she felt. She hated the way Alex would look at her blankly, making love to her like it was a chore, in complete honesty it made the blonde's skin crawl. To think not even two weeks into their marriage, and Alex was already rebuilding those all too familiar walls.

They weren't just some young stupid college students anymore; they were now a young stupid married couple. They needed to get over their differences, especially now. Piper needed to buck up, even more so now. She refused to let Alex fall back into the pit she was accustomed to when the going got tough. Piper wasn't going to let her just lie down and be punched, she was going to teach her wife how to roll with them, she was determined.


	3. Promises

"You say you're walking all by yourself

Have no one else

Your life is deadly like a loaded gun

And you're shaking, love

Don't shiver, don't give up

Don't quiver, you're enough

You will be just fine

Tonight"

-'Light a Fire' by Rachel Taylor

XXX

"Thank you so much Polly, I know you're taking some time off of school for the baby, you really didn't have to do this." Piper said as she paced the living room. She had woken up a little earlier than usual to make sure she could make the call before Alex woke up.

"No problem Pipes, just remember I'm going to be cashing in later for when Pete and I need to get away from Finn." Polly's voice came through on the phone.

Piper raised a brow, "Finn?"

Polly chuckled, "Yeah, that's the name we picked for the baby."

Piper grinned, "I love it."

XXX

"Have a good day at your classes." Alex said, kissing Piper goodbye.

Piper smirked to herself, "You have a good day too baby, I'll see you later tonight."

Alex nodded, rolling over to face the wall.

Not long after Alex heard Piper leave, someone had started pounding on the door. Not knowing who it was Alex climbed out of bed, throwing on her robe and made her way out to answer the insistent knocking.

"What?" Alex asked as she wrenched the door open.

"Move it, lady with a baby coming through!" Pete shouted as he followed Polly into the small apartment.

Alex turned around to look at the two people that were interrupting her, what felt like much needed sleep. "What are you doing here?" she asked them.

Pete set down Polly's bag and kissed her on the head before walking back towards the door, "I'm dropping Polly off, I'll be back around five." He waved goodbye to Alex before shutting the door behind him.

Alex looked over at the shorter brunette that had sat down on the couch. "What the fuck is going on, why are you here?"

Polly shrugged, "I missed ya, wanted to ask you which crib you thought looked best." She pulled out a pile of catalogs from her bag.

Alex rolled her eyes, remembering the time Polly had spent over four hours grilling her on what color she thought the baby's room should be. "I'm going back to bed." She muttered, turning on her heel and heading back down the hallway in which she came from. She knew Piper did this, she knew that her wife had called Polly to have her come and babysit her because she was worried.

She flopped down onto the bed, pulling the blankets over her head and went back to sleep.

XXX

Piper came home to find Polly watching some reality show on low volume. "Where's Alex?"

Polly waved her off, clearly sucked into the television show. "She hasn't left your room since I got here."

Piper rolled her eyes, "Did you check on her at all?"

"Yeah, she's been sleeping all day, you guys really shouldn't fuck all night long, it's not healthy for your sleeping patterns."

"We went to bed around midnight; we did not fuck all night."

Polly shrugged, "She's been coughing a lot too, maybe she's got the flu."

Piper sighed, Polly was of no help. She headed into the bedroom, sure enough, Alex was still asleep.

"Alex, wake up." Piper said, shaking the brunette's shoulder. She was warm, and not just the kind of warm you get when you sleep, but a feverish warmth that created a sheen of sweat all over your face. Piper looked at her wife's face, she looked like she was in pain somehow, a bad dream perhaps.

"Alex baby, wake up." she tried again, shaking the taller woman a little more roughly.

Alex came to slowly, groaning because she had been woken up.

"Are you okay? Polly said you've been sleeping all day." Piper asked her, sitting down beside Alex on the bed.

Alex rubbed her eyes, "I'm fine."

Piper shook her head, placing the back of her hand on the brunette's forehead. "You're burning up, Al."

"Okay, so I have a fever, it's probably just because of the rain last weekend. It was cold out too, that probably didn't help."

Piper was still worried, brushing off Alex's excuses for as to why she had been sleeping a lot lately. It wasn't just today; Alex had been asleep when she came home the day before. It seemed like Alex was always tired, and it started happening before Diane's death. Piper retrieved the thermometer from the bathroom's medicine cabinet and shoved it into the brunette's mouth, beneath her tongue.

She waited for the tell–tale sound of the beeping that the thermometer produced.

"Alex! You have a 104 fever!" Piper nearly screamed.

Alex was on the verge of falling asleep again.

"Fucking a, Polly!" Piper yelled.

Polly came stumbling through the doorway, "What's wrong?"

"Alex has a really high fever; we need to get her to the hospital!" Piper was freaking out. She couldn't help but think the worst.

Polly helped Piper get Alex down to the car, climbing into the back seat to keep Alex propped up as Piper drove.

XXX

"Glandular Fever."

Piper looked up at the doctor who had entered the room a moment before, going unnoticed until she had spoken.

"I'm sorry?" Polly asked from her seat next to Piper.

They were sitting in the waiting room, and had been for five hours now. Alex had needed to be taken in for numerous tests, and Piper was now visibly at wits end.

Piper sat with her elbows on her knees, face buried in her hands.

The doctor cleared her throat. "Alex, she has Glandular Fever." While repeating herself, the doctor had realized that the very pregnant brunette had no idea what that was, and the distraught looking blonde beside her was pretty much checked out of her sanity by this point.

Polly watched as the doctor flipped through a manila folder. "Her fever is common for this type of thing; we'd like to keep her overnight to see if we can break it. Her fatigue is the most noticeable symptom at the moment, but we did some further testing to check for any inflammation, which she does have. Her lymph nodes are swollen in the back of her throat, so I would authorize not to have her speak too much for now."

Polly and Piper listened intently as the doctor continued.

"Now Alex also has an enlarged spleen, so her upper left abdomen is going to be tender to the touch for a while. In the next couple of days, Alex is going to most likely get a sore throat due to a swell in her tonsils."

Polly swallowed, none of this sounded good, but none of this sounded terrible either. It could be worse. After having to go through the big C with Diane, it could always be worse.

The doctor continued. "Lastly, Alex is going to be very tired for the next couple of weeks, and irritable if anything from earlier today is a sign."

XXX

"What the fuck are we doing here?" Alex asked as Polly and Piper nearly carried her into the ER.

"Al, you have a fever that is too high, you need to be seen by a doctor." Piper said.

Alex groaned as Piper set her down in a chair.

Polly went to sign them in.

Piper pushed Alex's hair out of her face just as the brunette pulled away. "I don't want to be here Pipes, we can't afford this."

The blonde shook her head; money was not something she was going to worry about, especially not now.

"It's just a fever, Pipes."

"Yeah, and it's just your life, Alex." Piper snapped.

Alex was drifting off again.

XXX

Polly listened to everything the doctor had to say before looking over at Piper who was now staring towards the double doors leading out to where the rest of the hospital was, her leg bouncing in impatience.

"Can she go back to see her wife now?" Polly asked for her.

The doctor nodded, "Yes, right this way. She's sleeping right now."

They entered the room to find Alex sitting up in bed, clearly nothing other than extremely pissed off.

"Well, she's supposed to be." The doctor said.

Alex glared at Piper.

"Let's go talk in the hallway." Polly said, tugging on the sleeve of the doctor's lab coat.

Once the door shut, Piper tried to start defusing the situation. "Alex."

"First, you have Polly babysit me, and now you bring me to the hospital because I've been sleeping more than usual." Alex snapped.

Piper felt a flame burst into her chest, making its way up and out of her throat. "Do you really think it's nothing if you're lying in a hospital bed right now hooked up to a heart monitor?"

They continued to have a stare off before Piper continued, "Besides, you're not supposed to talk, you're going to make your throat even sorer."

Alex scoffed, refusing to admit the blonde was right. She hadn't been feeling good for a while now, not since before the wedding.

Piper's face softened as she continued to look at her wife.

Alex had bags under her eyes three shades darker than her skin tone. Her lips looked they hadn't seen water for days, and parts of her neck and chest that were visible in the hospital gown were splotchy.

"You know you make me want to scream right?" Piper asked her.

Alex smirked, "In a good way I hope."

"Hey, watch your libido; otherwise it's going to be a long three weeks for us both."

"Three weeks?"

"Hey, I don't want to get it."

Alex rolled her eyes, "In sickness and in health, right?"

Piper shook her head, "You are insufferable."

"But you love me."

"More than you will ever know, which is why you need to get better. You scared the fuck out of me today Alex, you can't do that to me. You need to fucking woman up, because I can't lose you, not now, not ever you understand me? If anyone is dying first it's going to be me, understood?"

Alex's eyes widened, not wanting to think about what the blonde had just brought up. "Piper-"

Piper cut her off, "Promise me that you won't give up."

Alex stayed silent, turning to look out the window.

Piper moved closer, kneeling down beside the bed and grabbing onto the brunette's sweaty hand. "Promise me that you will hold on for me."

"Pipes, we don't have to talk about this now, we have at least another good sixty years ahead of us."

"Alexandra Anne Vauseman, you fucking promise me that when the time comes, I will be the one to go first." Piper pleaded, her voice growing thick with unshed tears.

Alex studied the shorter woman's face, nodding slightly, lying through her teeth to make her wife happy. "I promise."

Piper sagged into the brunette's ragged frame, pressing her face into her chest. "I was so fucking scared Al, they wouldn't tell me anything until all the tests were done. Five hours, I spent five hours not knowing what was wrong with you, blaming myself for not seeing it sooner."

Alex reached out, cupping Piper's jaw in her hand to make their eyes meet. "None of this is your fault. I'm just too stubborn for my own good."

"That's not good enough. Don't think I didn't see that beer bottle the other day." Piper whispered, her tone defeated.

Alex sighed, closing her eyes as she swallowed. "Pipes, it was one beer."

Piper sat up, leaning away from her. "That's all it was last time Alex, and then I didn't even recognize you!"

"I won't drink then Piper! Just please stop crying, I hate to see you cry."

Piper hadn't realized that she was crying. Hot, heavy, salty tears dripped off of her eyelashes and down her cheeks, dribbling off of her chin. She wiped at them with the back of her coat sleeve.

"I won't drink Pipes, I promise." Alex said again.

Piper nodded, trusting her. "Okay."

Alex held out her arms, pulling Piper close and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry."

Piper clutched at Alex's arms, causing little half-moons to be imprinted into her skin. "I love you so much."

"I know, I love you too."

XXX

Polly reentered the room later, Pete had come to pick her up so she was going to inform Piper of what Dr. Hastings had to say about Alex's illness, and then she was going to leave for the night.

She found Piper asleep in the bed beside Alex, both too exhausted to hear her come in.

Polly sighed, placing the folder with all of the information about the Glandular Fever onto the empty seat next to the bed. She moved over to her two sleeping friends, kissing each of them on the temple, mom-mode kicking in, before leaving the hospital all together.


	4. Saran Wrap

"The night we met I knew I needed you so

And if I had the chance I'd never let you go

So won't you say you love me? I'll make you so proud of me

We'll make 'em turn their heads every place we go

I'll make you happy, baby, just wait and see

For every kiss you give me, I'll give you three

Oh, since the day I saw you, I have been waiting for you

You know I will adore you 'til eternity"

-'Be My Baby' by Snowhill

XXX

Piper woke up with a kink in her neck, and an ache in her lower back. She had her head resting on Alex's chest, the brunette clearly still asleep if her deep breathing, and the slow rise and fall of her chest had anything to say about it.

Polly was gone, and in her place Nicky sat staring out the window.

"Nicky." Piper whispered, shocked at her friend's presence. She was supposed to be in class, hell they both were.

The red head looked over at Piper, a breath being let out slowly as she took the two of them in again. "Why did no one call me?" she asked. She sounded hurt.

Piper's eyes widened, she had completely forgotten to call. She had been so worried about Alex. "I'm so sorry, Nick."

Nicky waved it off, "Polly called me, which I guess is better than no call at all."

Piper nodded, sitting up on the bed now, making sure to continue speaking in stage whispers so as not to wake up the sleeping brunette.

Nicky held up the manila folder from earlier that Piper had yet to read. "I read all the stuff that's in here."

Piper cocked her head to the side, "How long have you been here?"

Nicky shrugged, "Couple hours."

Piper sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. Checking her phone for the time, it was 10 am. "You're a good friend, Nicky."

The shorter woman shrugged, "Yeah, well, I couldn't just leave you alone while Polly went for an ultrasound, now could I?"

Piper frowned; she had yet to go to one of the ultrasounds. She had been dealing with Alex and Diane for months; it was a miracle that she remembered to breathe through the majority of it.

"I thought I was gonna lose her, Nick." Piper whispered her throat thick once more with emotion.

Nicky nodded, "She's okay though, and that's what you need to focus on."

Piper sighed, swallowing back the oncoming tears. "She started drinking again."

The red head raised a brow.

"Well, it was one beer, but that's all it originally was last time, and well, you know how that ended." Piper said, animatedly talking with her hands.

Alex had started drinking back when she first found out about Diane's fate. She worked two jobs, and took on extra shifts so she didn't have to be home with Piper. She would come home way after Piper had already gone to bed. It was a time in their lives that no one wanted to see a repeat of. It almost broke them apart.

Nicky shrugged, "We'll just have to keep an eye on her then."

Piper nodded, "I'm going to take off of school until she gets better."

"No. I will, let's face it; I don't even know why I'm at Smith anymore. Pete offered me a job at the station; I think I'm going to take it."

Piper frowned, not wanting to argue, she nodded reluctantly. Alex would be comfortable with Nicky, not to mention Piper really needed to go to classes if she planned on becoming a TA next semester.

Piper picked up the folder that she was handed earlier, quickly looking it over. "So there's no medicine she can take?"

Nicky shook her head, "She can take pain meds so it doesn't hurt as much, but other than that, no. She's supposed to sleep and eat healthy foods, says that'll help the fever subside."

Piper looked over at Alex who was still sleeping. "Oh, she'll love that."

Nicky chuckled, "She's going to hate me."

"Well, I can't even kiss her for the next three weeks; you think you've got it bad."

Nicky's eyes widened. "I can't even picture that! Vause not getting some, man she's going to be one grumpy ass bitch!"

Piper rolled her eyes, "Vauseman."

Nicky dismissed her with the flick of a wrist.

XXX

"Come on Al, help me out here." Piper said as she led her wife into their apartment.

The hospital had released her around noon, she was awake at that point, but she wasn't too keen on moving from the position she had been in.

Piper helped her on to the couch, draping a blanket over her and turning on the television.

"Pipes, you know I hate TV."

The blonde shrugged, "But I don't, and if I have to spend all day sitting with you, not being able to touch you in all the ways I want to, than I need the distraction."

Alex rolled her eyes, "You could read too, you know."

Piper sighed, "I can't read with you sitting right there, especially where I am at in my book right now."

Alex raised a brow, "Sexy times?"

Piper nodded sadly, "Sexy times."

XXX

Piper made dinner, making sure to stay away from red meat, much to Alex's disgruntlement.

"What is this?" Alex asked, staring down at the plate Piper had just handed her.

Piper sat down in the armchair, enveloped in the familiar smell that was just Alex. "It's chicken and vegetables."

Alex pushed the food around on her plate with a fork, "It looks like tofu, you better not be trying to feed me tofu."

Piper rolled her eyes, "No, I just didn't put any seasonings on it."

"Why not? Was there a bland food convention in town that I didn't know about?"

"Very funny, just eat your damn food."

XXX

"Nicky, what are you doing here? And how did you get in?" Alex asked from her spot in the armchair.

Nicky smirked, spinning her keys around her finger, "Your wife-y made me a key, you know for when she wants me to come over when you aren't home." She wiggled her brows for emphasis.

Alex rolled her eyes, "Nicky, even if I were to think you were having an affair with Piper, you wouldn't be stupid enough to come over during the day and use the same key right in front of me."

"Which is why I would do it, to make sure you didn't think anything of it."

Alex gave her a pointed glare over the top of her book.

The red head nodded, "Point taken." She slipped out of her shoes and flopped down onto the couch, picking up the clicker and pointed it at the TV.

"Don't even think about it." Alex said as she continued to read.

Nicky groaned, dropping the clicker down onto the coffee table. "Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do then?"

Alex turned a page in her book, "Leave."

"Nope, sorry, no can do, I am on strict orders from Blondie not to let you leave my sight until she gets home."

Alex shook her head, "Does that mean I'm going to have an audience when I go to the bathroom?"

Nicky chuckled, "You're hot Vause, but nobody's that hot."

"Vauseman."

"No."

XXX

Piper came home around five with groceries in hand.

Alex was still reading, and Nicky was passed out cold on the couch, snoring loudly with her mouth hanging wide open.

"She's driving me fucking crazy." Alex said as soon as she saw her wife.

Piper took one look at the red head's sleeping form and asked, "She's not drooling on the couch is she?"

Alex shook her head, "No, I put a blanket underneath her head."

Piper nodded, "I got us dinner."

"It's not another meal meant for my dead grandma is it?"

The blonde rolled her eyes, even while sick; Alex still found ways to make jokes. "I also got you some pain meds."

She heard Alex get up from the couch, sauntering into the kitchen behind her.

"Alex, you shouldn't be walking around, you need to be resting."

"That's all I've been doing is resting, just let me get a good look at you, you left before I woke up."

Alex looked Piper up and down, licking her chapped lips. God she missed her already.

"Don't look at me like that." Piper scolded, it was hard enough as it was to rein her libido in; she didn't need to see the lust in her wife's eyes. Even sick as a dog, there were just certain things that Alex never failed to make look sexy. The way she read, how she pushed her glasses up into her hair, and even the way she sat in that fucking armchair with her legs draped over the arm. Three weeks, Piper would sooner die.

"What're you thinking about?" Alex asked knowingly.

"You know damn well what I'm thinking about, now shoo. I'll call for you when dinner's ready." Piper said, flustered.

It had only been two days. Piper was pretty sure she would faster melt into a puddle of frustration than stick it out.

"Piper, you do realize that if you were going to get it, you would've gotten it by now." Alex said matter of factly.

Piper never thought of it that way, she rarely got sick, her doctor had once told her that she had a strong immune system. She was just too frazzled to actually remember that now, and too proud to admit to it.

"So you could kiss me if you wanted to." Alex continued.

Piper shook her head, "Wouldn't want to risk it."

Alex huffed, turning around to head back into the living room when she got an idea. She pulled out a drawer and grabbed the saran wrap roll, opening it and tearing off a piece.

"Hey, Pipes."

Piper turned around, ready to tell Alex to lie back down, but instead raised a quizzical brow, "What are you doing?"

"I want to kiss you dammit, so I'm going to kiss you."

"Are you sure you aren't trying to just suffocate me? I promise I won't feed you plain chicken ever again." Piper joked.

Alex squinted at her, "You know, this benefits you too, jackass."

Piper shrugged, "Whatever you say."

"Fine, you want to make a bet out of this?" Alex asked, balling up the saran wrap she had ripped out, and threw it into the trash.

Piper raised a brow, "What kind of bet are we talking here?"

"Oh you know the kind that you lose." Alex said, moving closer to Piper and wrapping her arms around the shorter woman's waist, holding her close.

"Confident are we?" Piper asked, her eyes flicking back and forth between the brunette's eyes and lips, she had a pretty good idea what the bet was, and she already wanted to cave.

"Very." Alex breathed.

"Okay, so what is it?" The blonde asked dumbly, trying and failing to act as if the proximity of her wife's lips wasn't making her loins feel like they were on fire. It had been a long two days.

"Let's see who can go the longest without kissing or sex."

"What do I get when I win?"

Alex smirked, "Well, when I win, I get full bragging rights and the knowledge of how much of a sex god I have always believed myself to be."

Piper rolled her eyes, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"What are you, John Green?"

"Fine, it's on."


	5. Victory Never Tasted So Bitter

"With a taste of your lips

I'm on a ride

You're toxic I'm slipping under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I'm addicted to you

Don't you know that you're toxic

And I love what you do

Don't you know that you're toxic"

-'Toxic' by Melanie Martinez

XXX

"What are you doing?" Alex asked wearily as she watched Piper move around the room in nothing but a lace boy-short underwear set.

"My skin is getting really dry, I need to moisturize." Piper said innocently.

Alex raised a brow, "And the reason you can't do that in the bathroom where the lotions are is?"

Piper avoided her gaze, "Well it's gonna take a while, so I didn't want to have to sit on a cold toilet seat the whole time."

Alex squinted her eyes at her wife, knowing exactly what she was playing at. Deciding she could one up her, Alex slipped off her panties and pulled off her shirt before covering herself with the bed's comforter, all while the shorter woman's back was turned.

The brunette quickly closed her eyes as well, just so Piper couldn't get to her, she was not going to lose this over some soft and shiny skin.

She could hear Piper grumble when she noticed that Alex wasn't even looking at her, before the lights were turned off in the room, and she felt her wife climb into bed beside her.

It took only a moment before Piper realized what Alex had done, breathe a shallow breath and turn over so she was facing away from the taller woman.

Alex could only smirk.

XXX

Piper woke up the next day to find that Alex wasn't in bed. Rolling her eyes, she climbed out of the bed, knowing that her wife would never wake up early unless she would benefit from it. She could hear the shower running as she passed the bathroom.

"Hey Pipes, I'm out of shampoo!" Alex shouted.

"And?" Piper challenged.

"Can you grab the one from under the sink?"

Piper could do this, she could just close her eyes, but then she wouldn't know where the shampoo was in the cabinet. She sighed heavily, already feeling flustered.

Opening the door slowly, Piper peeked into the steam-filled room. The curtain to the shower was shut, but the brunette's silhouette was evident, making Piper swallow through a dry throat. She fumbled with the knob of the cabinet, pulling it opening quickly and quietly so she didn't give Alex the pleasure of knowing that Piper couldn't even do something as simple as hand her shampoo without getting turned on.

Piper chucked the shampoo into the shower and ran out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and went into the kitchen to make coffee.

XXX

Alex came out of the shower, a towel wrapped around her snuggly. She had made sure to leave enough cleavage on display too.

Piper was sitting at the island, sipping her coffee and reading. She heard her wife enter the kitchen, thinking nothing of it, she kept reading.

"Babe, did you get creamer?" Alex asked as she opened the fridge.

"Yeah, got it last night." Piper said, turning a page in her book, still having yet to look up.

Alex made her coffee as she watched her wife with a watchful eye. "Hey, babe."

"Yeah?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "My eyes are up here."

Piper sighed, shutting her book and looked up at Alex, her jaw dropping slightly as she took the taller woman in.

"Shit." Alex cursed; she had gotten the creamer on her hand. She was about to rinse it off when she got an idea, with Piper still staring at her, eyes clearly nowhere near the brunette's face, Alex sucked on her fingers, licking off the creamer one by one as she sighed in delight (the creamer really did taste good).

Piper grumbled, standing up quickly and made her way back into the bedroom.

"What, you don't want to wait until I drop my towel?" Alex called after her, chuckling the whole time.

XXX

Piper got home later that day, Nicky was sitting on the couch watching a movie, Alex was asleep in the armchair.

"Thanks, Nicky."

The red head waved her off, not wanting to leave until the film was over.

Alex stirred awake suddenly when Piper dropped something near her on the floor.

Piper could feel eyes on her as she slowly picked up her bag and snapped back up in standing position, her arms placed in a certain way to push up her boobs.

Alex raised a brow.

Nicky began to laugh, tears in her eyes, "Did you seriously just try the bend and snap on her? Blondie…you got nothing to push up!"

Piper's face reddened.

"Shut up Nichols, you've seen this movie before, I'll see you tomorrow." Alex said, standing up from the chair, and walking the red head to the door.

Alex turned back around to face her wife, walking over to her, grinning. "That was cute babe, but not cute enough." Her eyes traveled down to the dip in the blonde's shirt, smirking, she groped her breasts, each one fitting perfectly in the palm of her hand. Leaning in, Alex whispered into Piper's ear, "Just know, these are perfect."

She then pulled back and sauntered off down the hallway.

Piper clenched her hands into fists at her waist, before turning towards the couch and flopping face first into the cushions.

XXX

Two days later, they were eating at a diner. Nicky and Pete were with them, Polly was at her parent's for the weekend.

"Are you two still not fucking?" Pete asked casually while looking between Alex and Piper.

Nicky began to laugh, "They're that pathetic huh?"

Pete shrugged, "I can feel the tension, and I'm a guy, I'm not supposed to notice these things."

Alex shook her head, sitting back in her side of the booth.

Piper continued to push around the food on her plate, refusing to make eye contact with anyone at the moment.

"Who do you think will cave first, Pete?" Nicky asked.

He shrugged, "Piper, without a doubt."

Nicky chuckled, she knew why he said the blonde, because Alex was hot as fuck and no one could resist her for long, but the red head also knew how weak in the knee Piper made the brunette feel.

"How do you feel about putting money on it?" Nicky asked him.

Pete smirked, "You that confident?"

Nicky nodded, "I think I know Vause a lot more than you know Chapman."

"Vauseman." They said in unison.

Pete and Nicky ignored them.

"How does twenty bucks sound?"

"Deal."

XXX

"Oh Alex, mmmm." Piper mumbled breathlessly as she fucked herself.

Alex had gone to Nicky's to get out of the apartment for a while, giving Piper finally the right amount of time to get herself off. It had been a long week, and with all that Alex had been doing, you couldn't really blame the blonde for stooping to the level she was currently at.

Little did Piper know, that Alex was returning home at that exact moment, shutting the front door to be exact. "Pipes?"

Nothing.

She shrugged, figuring that the blonde was still out with Polly writing thank you cards for everyone that had gone to the baby shower.

Moving into the kitchen, she pulled a water out of the fridge and took her pain meds.

There was a muffled crying sound coming from down the hallway.

Alex set down her water and headed down towards the bedroom. The door was cracked. Peeking inside, she saw Piper lying on their bed, her jeans around her ankles and her shirt pushed up over her chest. Piper had one hand down her panties, the other grasping at her breast through the material of her bra.

Piper was playing with herself!

Alex smirked, pushing the door open and leaned into the door frame.

Piper was enjoying herself clearly, tempting Alex to fuck with her a little bit. She moved further into the room and pulled the chair away from the vanity; sitting down at the foot of the bed and crossing one leg over the other as she leaned back to enjoy the show.

Piper moaned again, making Alex shiver, shifting slightly in her seat and crossing her legs more tightly so as to create some sort of friction to give herself a form of relief.

Piper's eyes were closed, bottom lip tucked beneath pearly white teeth as she pushed herself closer and closer to the edge when she heard someone take a deep intake of breath. She slowed her ministrations, opening one eye slowly to find her wife watching her. Gasping, Piper took notice to the fact that one of Alex' s hands was missing, stuffed down the front of her jeans, while the other one clawed into the denim material wrapped around her knee.

Alex's eyes were three shades darker than they normally were, and she was staring right at Piper.

The blonde swallowed, speeding up the pressure she had previously been giving her clit, wanting to cum for Alex. Voyeurism wasn't so bad, Piper thought, that was until Alex started making quiet noises in the back of her throat. Piper's mouth went dry; she wanted so badly to make those noises louder, to be the cause of them.

Piper's hand froze over her sex. This was stupid, this whole bet was fucking stupid. She should be able to make love to her wife, to be the reason the brunette couldn't walk straight in the morning.

She moved onto her knees, crawling towards the end of the bed, her eyes trained on where Alex's hand disappeared inside her pants.

"Alex." Piper croaked through a rough and scratchy throat laced with lust.

The taller woman's eyes fluttered open at the sound. Her pupils were dilated.

Piper moved even closer, tugging on the brunette's arm to pull her hand out from beneath her waistband.

"This wouldn't be considered cheating, would it?" she asked, while bringing Alex's glistening fingers to her own lips, slowly sucking off her wife's love juices.

Alex's breath hitched as she watched through half-lidded eyes at Piper who was border line losing. Alex wasn't so sure she wanted to win anymore.

"That's certainly something." Alex murmured throatily.

"Do you wanna?" Piper said, letting the taller woman's hand drop.

Alex's mind was cloudy, she couldn't figure out whether this was a trick, or if Piper was really just as desperate as she was to feel the other woman's skin against hers.

"Is this a trick?" she finally managed to ask as she tried to ignore her throbbing crotch. She so couldn't risk thinking with her clit right now.

Piper thought for a moment, was this a trick? She wasn't sure if Alex was trying to trick her, or she herself should take full advantage of the situation.

"A draw?" she questioned. The blonde didn't care who won anymore, she needed release, and from the look of it, so did Alex.

"What, like a tie?" Alex said, a brow rose for good measure.

Piper nodded slowly, that's exactly what she had meant. She was pretty sure she was going to explode soon so she needed to know what Alex's answer was going to be.

"Either you agree to cave with me, or I will finish this myself, because I need to do something before I lose my sanity."

Both too prideful to cave first, Piper pulled Alex out of the chair and on to the bed.

Cupping each other's faces, they both leaned in at the same time, their lips meeting in a sloppy mess, as if they hadn't seen water in days, each drinking the other in as if their lives depended on it.

Losing had never felt so great.

Piper shoved Alex back onto the bed, straddling her hips. Her hair fell down into a curtain as their noses bumped against one another in search for the other's lips.

"Why did we even make that stupid bet to begin with?" Piper asked breathlessly.

"Because we're stupid." Alex whispered back.

Piper kicked off her jeans and pulled her shirt off and over her head, tossing both articles of clothing to the floor.

Alex stared up at her in awe, every day Piper managed to be more beautiful than the last. "I fucking love you, you know that?"

Piper pushed her hair over her one shoulder so it wasn't in her face. "I hope it's not the only fucking you'll be doing."

Alex smirked, "Say it back fucker, or I'll tell everyone I won the bet."

Piper rolled her eyes, "Nicky wouldn't believe you for a second, besides I don't think I need to say how much I love you with what I'm planning on doing to you."

XXX

Alex rolled off of Piper, lying down beside her. Both their hair stuck to their faces from sweat, both breathing heavily.

"So we're good?" Alex asked.

"So good." Piper mumbled back.


	6. Beer Guzzling Babies

"All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things

Will never change for us at all"

-'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol

XXX

They sat across from one another at Mod's the next day. Alex was slowly getting better, her fever no longer there, but she had slept for a solid twelve hours after all the 'fun' they had the previous night.

"How's the kink in your neck?" Piper asked as she nursed her coffee. Her lips were still swollen, and it hurt to sit.

"It's a kink Pipes, it's gonna hurt." Alex said while still rubbing her sore neck.

Piper smirked, "Well, maybe next time you won't be in such a rush to be on the bottom."

"Oh, trust me; you are going to have to rock, paper, scissor for that position now."

Piper raised a brow, "Al, do you really think it's appropriate to play a children's game right before going down on me?"

"You make it sound so wrong." Alex muttered as she took another sip from her mug.

Piper shook her head, grinning.

The bell that sat atop the door of the small cafe rang, declaring the appearance of somebody, most likely a zombie-fied college student who needed caffeine.

Nicky stumbled into their booth, nearly knocking into their table and upsetting their drinks.

"What the fuck, Nichols?" Alex asked.

Piper slid closer to the wall so she could share the bench with the red head.

Nicky was out of breath.

"Did you run all the way here from the station?" Piper asked, worried.

Nicky waved her off, "Please, I'm not that fucking stupid, I ran from where the taxi dropped me off."

Alex rolled her eyes, slightly irritated that her and Piper's quiet morning had been interrupted. "So why are you here?" she asked.

Nicky grinned from ear to ear, "I just got done talking to Lorna."

Alex raised a brow, "A date?" she looked across the table at her wife, "Does our Nicky have a date?"

"Oh, piss off." Nicky muttered, clearly regretting coming to see them, she would've been better off just telling Pete. That is if she hadn't already.

"Leave her alone Al, she's excited." Piper tried to defuse the situation before turning back to the much shorter woman, "How do you feel about this date?"

Nicky thought for a moment, looking around the room at all of the other students in their quiet conversations and study groups. "You know the feeling when you're holding a hot cup of coffee and you feel like you have to sneeze?"

Piper smiled, nodding. She knew the exact feeling.

"It feels like that." Nicky finished, refusing to meet Alex's eyes.

"Wow, that was beautiful, Nick." Alex said as she watched Nicky's every move. "Just think though, you already fucked her, can't really mess up any more than you already have."

Nicky glared at her, "I could've said the same thing about you, Vause."

"Vauseman." Piper whispered.

Alex sighed, "Alright, you're right. I'm sorry."

Nicky nodded, getting up to get herself a cup of coffee.

Piper waited until the red head was out of hearing range before turning to Alex and leaning across the table, smacking her upside the head.

"Ow!" Alex groaned, rubbing her neck.

"Don't be an asshole."

Nicky came back a moment later, smirking at the two of them. "So, who lost?"

Alex rolled her eyes as Piper's cheeks reddened. Was it that noticeable?

Nicky chuckled, "You two look like you just rolled out of a whore house after being there for a whole year."

XXX

"So, who lost?" Pete asked when he saw them later. He had driven Polly to the apartment to see Piper, and also because he had to work and she was due any day now, so he didn't want her to be alone.

Piper ignored him, as did Alex.

Nicky groaned from where she sat on the couch, her red hair the only thing you could see from behind it. "They both lost!"

Pete chuckled, "Should've known."

"Can we not talk about my best friend having sex please?" Polly asked, irritated.

"Don't be jealous, Pol." Piper joked.

Polly glared at her, "Shut the fuck up, you don't look like you swallowed an entire watermelon!"

"Try two, honey." Nicky said.

XXX

"Wait, so what time is your date?" Alex asked from her place in the arm chair.

Piper was curled into her lap.

"In about an hour or so." Nicky said.

Alex nodded.

Polly had gone to the bathroom when they heard a high pitched, "Guys?!"

Piper jumped off of her wife's lap, running towards the bathroom, worried that her friend may have fallen.

"What?"

"My fucking water broke!" Polly screamed.

Alex and Nicky looked at each other, both wide eyed.

Then Nicky realized, "Mother fucker!"

XXX

"Now remember Nick, you can't fuck her." Alex reminded the red head.

"Fuck you, Vause! Do you really think I have zero class?"

"If that burp from earlier has anything to say about it, yes. And it's Vauseman!"

"Come on, you know I have a bad reflux." Nicky whined.

"Oh my god, are we seriously doing this right now? Polly is about to give birth in our fucking car!" Piper shouted from the back seat.

"I'm driving as fast as I fucking can, Piper!" Alex yelled back.

Polly let out a painful cry.

Piper was starting to freak out, throwing her phone down. "Where the fuck is Pete?!"

"We have to turn our phones off during recording." Nicky informed them.

"Isn't it supposed to take longer for your first pregnancy? I heard it's supposed to take longer." The blonde frantically said.

"Piper, I love you, seriously I do, but for the love of all that is holy, shut the fuck up!" Alex yelled.

Polly let out a groan.

"And since when is there traffic on a Tuesday, it's not even rush hour!" Piper continued.

"Blondie, I swear, I will come back there." Nicky threatened. She was going to be late for her date; she was hoping Lorna would understand.

"Don't threaten my wife, Nichols!" Alex warned.

"Don't tell me what to fucking do!" Nicky shouted back.

Polly finally spoke up, "Why am I having a baby when I have three right here?!"

"Don't talk Pol; you need to save your strength." Piper said.

"For what, to shove a football out of her pussy?" Nicky asked from the passenger seat.

"See, that's what I'm talking about, pure class." Alex muttered.

"Put a sock in it, Vause."

"Vauseman."

XXX

"Where is Pete?!" Piper asked again, 20 minutes later.

"Pipes, he has no way of knowing." Alex tried to reason.

"Then go fucking get him! He can't miss the birth of his son!"

Nicky followed Alex out to the car, "Oh man Vause, what are you gonna do when Chapman starts wanting a baby?"

"Run."

XXX

"Pete! Open the door!"

"I swear, I'm going to kick his Aussie ass when I see him!"

"Pete! Open the motherfucking door!"

Finally the light above the doorframe turned off, and the door was ripped open. "What the bloody hell do you want?!"

Nicky guffawed, "Your girlfriend is severely preggers and you want to know why we are trying to bang down your door? Seriously?!"

XXX

"Ma'am, you're going to have to start pushing." The nurse said, less calm then the previous time.

"No. This child is not being brought into this world without the fucker who put him in me!" Polly was starting to sound more and more delirious.

"Polly, you need to push."

"Fuck you Piper! You don't look like a sweaty beached whale right now!"

XXX

"You are never going to live this down, you know that right?" Nicky asked Pete as Alex sped down the street towards the hospital.

Pete sat with his face in his hands. "I fucked up."

Alex looked back at him in the rearview mirror. "She'll forgive you the second she sees you."

"Really?"

"Fuck no; you might want to pick up some kibble on your way home because you're gonna be in the doghouse for at least the first year."

"Year?"

Nicky laughed, "Dude, you better start figuring out some new cunnilingus moves."

XXX

"Ma'am if you don't start pushing, the baby is going to suffocate and die!"

"Polly, please!" Piper begged, tired.

Nicky practically busted down the doors then, "We're here! Prince Charming has arrived!"

"You. Mother. Fucking. Australian." With each word Polly squeezed harder and harder at Pete's hand, which had replaced Piper's. Anymore, and he'd be brought to his knees.

"You. Beer guzzling. Music listening. Hick."

Pete started to wince.

"This is beautiful." Nicky said while pretending to wipe tears from her eyes.

Polly was now pushing; it was only a matter of time now.

"Get ready. To be sleeping. On the couch."

"One more push!" the nurse announced.

Alex slipped out of the room, dragging Nicky behind her; the muffled sound of a newborn crying could be heard through the door.

"What are we doing?" she asked.

Alex dropped her hand, "I'll drive you to Lorna's. I got to pick up my new pain meds."

"Should you really be out of them already?"

Alex shrugged, "I accidentally knocked the bottle over."

Nicky nodded, barely listening to her. She was too nervous for her date with Lorna to realize that something was up with her best friend.


	7. What She Doesn't Know Can't Hurt Her

“Hope dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption  
Winding in and winding out  
A shine of it has caught my eye.”  
-‘Vindicated’ by Dashboard Confessional

XXX

Alex came back around to the hospital to pick up Piper before they both returned home for the night.

“Where did you go earlier?” Piper asked.

Alex shrugged, “I dropped Nicky off at Morello’s, and then I went to go pick up my new prescription at the drug store.”

“You have a new prescription?”

“Well, I accidentally knocked over my pain meds, so I had to get a new bottle so I had the right amount.”

Piper nodded, tired, she didn’t take notice to how odd Alex’s story sounded. It had been two weeks; Alex should’ve been finishing up her pills, not starting a new bottle. “Come to bed.” Piper mumbled, tugging on Alex’s arm as she led them both back into the bedroom.

XXX

Piper woke to an empty bed, the sheets cold where Alex should’ve been. She padded out into the living room to find Alex asleep in the armchair, a half full glass of water beside the fluorescent orange pill bottle on the coffee table.

Piper rubbed the sleep from her eyes to notice that it was still dark out, and December was finally settling in.

The blonde moved over to her wife’s sleeping form and picked up the book that had been lying open across the brunette’s stomach, placing the bookmark back inside, and setting it down on the table. Piper really wanted Alex to come back to bed, but instead she decided to curl up, half on top of Alex.

XXX

They both woke up to a banging at their door before it was opened. “No Nudy-Judy’s on the premises?” Nicky asked from the doorway.

“All clear.” Alex muttered.

Piper stirred awake slowly on her chest.

“Aw, well aren’t you two a fucking hallmark card?” Nicky mocked as she took off her boots and coat.

“How did the date go?” Alex asked, ignoring the previous comment. She knew Nicky wouldn’t bother coming over this early otherwise.

“Fucking fantastic!” The red head declared, flopping onto the couch.

“Nichols, what did I tell you? No fucking on the first date!” Alex joked. She held Piper a little closer, basking in her warmth.

Nicky rolled her eyes, “Hardy, har, har. It never gets old Vause, truly.” She waited a moment before continuing. “We didn’t make love.”

“Make love?” Alex was trying really hard not to laugh.

“What?” A glare.

“Piper and I don’t even call it that.”

“Yes we do.” Piper mumbled against her neck.

Nicky smirked, “Yeah, put a fucking cork in it.”

Alex rolled her eyes, “What is with you wanting to put things in me?”

The red head chuckled, waggling her eyebrows.

Alex felt a sharp pinch on her shoulder; Piper had nipped at her.

“Alright, Carmilla.” Alex commented, rubbing the spot the blonde had bitten.

Piper moved her head away, returning her face back into the crook of the taller woman’s neck, running a quick lick over the bite, before peppering it with a quick kiss.

“Gross, could you two get a room?” Nicky commented.

Alex smirked, “Last time I checked, this is our apartment.”

“Cold Vause, so cold.”

“Vauseman.” Alex corrected.

“Yeah, whatever. So why were you two sleeping out here anyways? Wanted to be a little more adventurous outside of the bedroom?”

Alex rolled her eyes, “Yes, right where you’re lying actually.”

Nicky smirked, taking the sarcasm as a sign to leave. “Catch you on the flip side not lesbians!”

XXX

Alex was finally able to convince Piper to get off of her after promising a quickie in the shower before work and classes.

“I’ll see later, I’m going to go visit Polly after class.” Piper said on her way out the door.

Alex nodded her head, shutting the door and wrapping her arms around her chest. She had work in half an hour and no energy whatsoever to go. Pulling out her phone, she called James. “Hey man, I don’t think I can come in today, been feeling a bit under the weather, wouldn’t want to sneeze in anybody’s drink.”

After assuring him that she’d be in tomorrow, Alex hung up the phone, and sighed. Running a hand through her hair, her eyes landed on the little orange bottle next to the armchair. Biting her lip, she felt her legs work their way over to it, swallowing another two pills before she could even think of the consequences. What Piper didn’t know couldn’t hurt her right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you still with me, I am incredibly grateful and I apologize immensely for the longevity in which you had to wait for this story to be updated. Since this was last updated I have started writing for another fandom, and with that, my writing has changed quite a bit. Also, since then I haven't been keeping up with this story, so my views on the plot have become a bit blurry. Hopefully I can continue this until it is finished like I had originally planned, and hopefully you guys aren't too angry about this. Life happens, and all that jazz. I'll spare you the long tale of how I've lost motivation in this story because I've lost faith in this ship. I know, I know, I never thought I'd see the day I would say this, but season three was a complete disappointment. All of that aside, I hope you guys are still with me, and I apologize for the shortness that is this chapter!


End file.
